What A Weekend

I got off work about an hour ago and now I'm off until Thursday night.  I worked 12 hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday.  Monday was only a 6 hour shift and I got off at 1:35am this morning.  I'm completely exhausted.  

I wouldn't say that I hate this job, but I also wouldn't say that I love this job.  It's hard.  Certified Nurse Technicians basically do all of the dirty work so that nurses can get away with just passing meds.  As a tech at a nursing home, I'm constantly lifting, pushing, and pulling patients and some of them are not skinny.  A lot of them are very overweight which makes my job so much harder.  On top of the physical stress of the job, there is the mental stress.  When I'm at work, I take care of elderly people and a lot of them do not have their minds.  I see them as a shell of a person because the person that they used to be, isn't there anymore.  Day in and day out they sit or lay around not knowing where they are or who they are.  Some of them holler or scream because they are in pain or because they are scared.  Most of the time, I can't help but wonder who they used to be and what they were like when they had their minds.  It's really sad.  

Nursing homes are so understaffed.  These places worry so much over their budgets when they should really be thinking about the residents.  Without a lot of staff, the residents suffer.  I am only one person and I can't be in 20 rooms at the same time.  Where I work, there is one tech per hallway.  There should be 2 techs per hallway.  I don't get much help when it comes to lifting my patients.  I strain my back and legs each time I'm at work and I come home in pain.  I have to lift my patients into bed or onto the toilet or into their wheelchair and after doing that to 20 or more patients, I hurt pretty bad to the point of barely being able to walk.  

So, why do I do it?  I do it because I love helping elderly people.  I always have.  Plus, I make more money working as a tech, than I would working in retail, customer service, or the food industry.  I haven't reached the point where I know what I want to do in life as far as a career goes.  I thought that I wanted to be a nurse, but the more nurses that I come across, the more I realize that I don't want to be associated with that.  9 times out of 10 a nurse won't help a tech lift or turn a patient and they won't answer call lights or clean a patient.  Yes, that is my job, but sometimes I'm busy and can't make it to a patient's room for a while.  A lot of nurses act like they are too good to do the dirty work when it comes to patients.  It's ridiculous.  So, that is why I honestly don't want to be a nurse anymore.  I'm not saying that every nurse is like that, but most of them are unfortunately!  

I've met a lot of people at work and the majority of them have been nice.  They are also overworked and underpaid....and they don't get help either.  

I just hope I figure out soon what I want to do as far as a career goes, because as much as I love helping elderly people.....the whole lifting patients thing is going to end up hurting my back for good and I don't want that to happen!  

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

My mom doesn't read my blog, but today is her birthday!  She is 62 years old today.  Hopefully I will be able to go see her this weekend.  She told me not to come see her today because she will be working and will be too tired when she gets home.  

I love my mom.  She is the strongest woman that I know.  She has overcome so many difficult situations in her life.  She has always been there for me regardless of how hard it was for her to deal with.  Yes, there are things that I don't tell her because I don't want to upset her, but for the most part, she knows everything about my life.  I call her almost every day, just to see how she's doing and to let her in on what is happening in my life.  

I couldn't ask for a better mom.  She isn't my biological mom, but she might as well be.  She adopted my brother and I when we were babies.  She is the only mom that I have ever known...and the only one that I want to know!  She taught me right from wrong and brought me up in the church.  She pushed me when I was younger because she wanted so much for me to have a wonderful life.  I feel that I have let her down because I am not really settled and I haven't graduated with a bachelor's degree...but I know that she is proud of me regardless.  

She works so hard.  She is single so she has to provide for herself...with no help.  A lot of people don't understand that, but they wouldn't unless they were divorced and on their own.  She is at the age where most people retire, but she will have to work for a few more years before she retires.  She doesn't complain about it.  She just keeps on going regardless of anything that happens.
 

I am very blessed to have a mom like her and I hope and pray that I have her for many, many years to come.  I don't know what I would do without her! 

My Old Diaries

I was unpacking some boxes earlier and came across several of my old diaries and journals.  I even found the very first diary that I had as a little girl.  I read all of the ones that I found, and I am so glad that I have them.  They take me back to a time when I was so carefree and happy.  I didn't have many responsibilities and my parents were still together.  My very first diary has entries written about visits to my grandparents and about the pets that I had at that time.  I wrote entries about my very first crush and how much I liked him.  It is so funny to read.  I was so innocent at that age.  I had my life planned out from start to finish and claimed that I wouldn't be happy unless life happened the way that I wanted it to.  

The journals from when I was a teenager definitely brought some memories back.  I wrote entries about EVERYTHING.  I went to a music camp in Kentucky the summer before I started high school.  I wrote an entry every day while I was there.  It talked about the different things that I did and the guy that I liked while I was there.  I wrote about everything that he said to me and back then, I couldn't figure out if he liked me or not.  Just by reading those entries, anyone could tell that he liked me.  So funny!  The last few entries talked about how we went to the dance at camp together and how we slow danced and how much I would miss him and everyone else when it was time to go home.  When I became a teenager, I wanted to meet someone and fall in love.  Love has always been important to me.  

I wish that I could go back and relive some of those experiences because they were so much fun!  I definitely laugh at the things that I was so stressed out about back then.  They don't even begin to compare to the stress that I go through now!  :)  

I can't wait until I have a child of my own that can read my diaries and journals to see what I was like as a kid.  I have so many of them and my children will definitely be able to figure out who I was when I was younger...and maybe after I'm gone, they will be passed on for years and years and years.  That would be neat.  :)  


I guess I will try to get some sleep!  I have to get up at 6:00am!  Yuck!  


Good night! 

Love Of My Life

I love my fiance'. I can honestly say that he is the love of my life. He makes me laugh constantly and cares about me so much. Those are the two qualities that have always been so important to me in the past when I was dating. I have been in relationships before with men who "bored" me to death. There wasn't enough laughter and they just weren't "goofy" enough for me. I'm a silly person and I love to laugh...so in the past, any guy that couldn't make me laugh or had no sense of humor got pushed on their merry little way.

Mike is hilarious! He is so random and you never know what he is going to say or do. I absolutely love it. We goof off so much together and it is fun! He is my best friend and I'm so happy that he found me in 2008 on Myspace! Yep, that's right! We met on that website. He was browsing through people on there and came across my picture. He has always told me that even though there were tons of other profiles next to mine...it was like mine lit up to him, and he had to click on it and send me a message. I was kind of hesitant at first about meeting him in person...because sometimes that can be dangerous...but something just told me to do it...and now, over two years later we are engaged! I never saw it coming!

He is the only guy that I have been with that can handle me. I'm a different type of person and I have a unique personality that a lot of guys in the past just haven't been able to handle. I can get really goofy, so I never lasted long in a relationship with a guy that was serious all of the time. Mike is more goofy than I am! He knows how to deal with my moods and he will put me in my place really fast, if I say or do something completely wrong. He doesn't back down to me at all when he knows that I'm wrong. I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong and I always needed a man like Mike! In the past I would be with a guy and get in a fight and he would back down because he just didn't want to deal with it. Mike is the opposite. If we get in a fight, and I'm in the wrong but don't admit to it, he tells me quickly that I'm wrong and then I start thinking about it and apologize. I would say that we have a really strong relationship. He admits when he is wrong and I might be reluctant to admit when I'm wrong, but I always come around and admit it, in the end. I'm thankful that he puts up with me! ;)

I am so in love with him. Words can't even begin to describe how I feel about him. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. I've never wanted so much to make anyone happy...but with him, I always try to make him happy and he is the same way with me. We have been through a lot together and it has only made us stronger. We have been through some very stressful issues and went through it together. That is why we are still together today. We realized that we can make it through any situation, any fight, any struggle...without breaking our relationship.

We love each other unconditionally....and that is proven because I have seen him at his worst and he has seen me at my worst. The first night that we met in person, he saw me at my worst, because it was the night that my best friend died in a car wreck on his way to meet me. I had already met Mike earlier in the day, but when I couldn't find Matt and it was close to midnight...I went to Mike's house to wait there until I heard something. He was right beside me when Matt's friend called me and told me that he had died. He had some other friends over, and cleared them out of the room and knelt down beside me and talked to me. I knew at that very moment, that he was special and was a good man.

I can't wait to marry him! :)

The Latest

I haven't posted lately because life has been incredibly crazy! We had a death in the family the weekend before Thanksgiving and I was out of town for several days.

I'm engaged! Mike proposed to me on Thanksgiving when I got home from being out of town! I was not expecting it at all. He had joked around about it several times...in other words...he proposed to me with a "ring pop" and then did it again with a picture from a magazine. That was all part of his plan but it made me so frustrated every time he did that! Both times, I thought it was the real thing and then it turned out to be a joke. I had given up on hoping for a real proposal. ;)

His plan was to propose to me on Thanksgiving day while his entire family was here. He bought the ring the week before. His plan didn't work out because of the death in my family. I ended up having to go out of town with my mom and wasn't there when his whole family was at the house. I got home that night and he was asleep. I woke him up and he asked me if I was really depressed. I said no, but that the funeral and everything had been extremely hard to deal with. He said, "I'm sorry". I didn't know what he was apologizing for, but then he handed me a box. I knew what it was but I didn't believe it was the "real deal" so I said, "What is this???" in a really sarcastic tone. LOL. He opened it up and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes, and then laughed and cried!

We have been together for over two years so it was about time! ;) Any other woman might have gotten mad at the way that he proposed. Not this girl. I was so happy! He could have proposed to me in a bathroom beside a toilet and it would have been okay. I have been wanting to marry him for a while and just the fact that he proposed made me the happiest woman on the planet.

We haven't set a date yet. My parents aren't able to help out with money for the wedding and Mike just started his own business. It is going well but we are wanting to move closer to his business and get settled in before we get married. We are both hoping that we will get married sometime next year. I have no idea where I want to get married, but I want it to be a simple wedding....just preferably not at the courthouse! LOL. That just doesn't sound romantic. I really don't want to get married in a church either. I guess I should really start looking at places but lately I haven't had time! His business is open 6 days a week and we have been busy with that.

This month has been hard. I lost the person that was always a true grandmother to me. We knew that it was coming, but it was a shock to everyone once it happened. It has made it even harder considering the fact that it happened right before the holidays. Thanksgiving wasn't the same without her and Christmas will be just as hard. She had planned her funeral before she passed away. She was on hospice and she wanted everything to already be planned out so that her husband wouldn't have to deal with all of it while he was grieving. The funeral was beautiful and so was the burial ceremony. We released 4 white doves at her burial site just like she had planned it. I miss her every single day and I hope she is watching over me from heaven, because that is exactly where she is. Right before she died, she said that she saw Jesus and her mother and that it was all so beautiful. That makes me smile and I know that she is better off because she isn't suffering anymore.

That's the update for now! Have a great weekend! :)

Delilah

Last week was not a very good week because my cat, Delilah, was really sick. I started noticing it last Sunday. She wasn't using the bathroom in the litter box. Instead, she was using it on the rugs in the house. I'm glad that she did because I was able to soak it up and see that there was blood in her urine. That usually means that the cat has a urinary tract infection. So, off to the vet we went on Monday. He confirmed the urinary tract infection just by the symptoms and put her on some antibiotics. He told me that they usually get rid of the infection in two days. That didn't happen. I thought she was getting better but early Friday morning she had urinated in the bathtub and there was a lot of blood in her urine.

I cried myself to sleep and slept for a few hours. There is nothing worse than feeling helpless when it comes to a pet. I get attached to animals. I've had Delilah since 2007. She was just a baby kitten when I got her and she bonded with me really fast. I called the vet on Friday morning and was able to get an appointment for 11:30am. I was worried sick and scared that she would be diagnosed with something really bad. I showed the vet the picture that I took of the urine in the bathtub and he gave her a shot. He said that if she didn't get better by Monday, to call and bring her back in.

So far, so good. She still doesn't seem to be back to her normal self, but she hasn't been urinating outside of the litter pan(that I am aware of) and she is eating and drinking. She just isn't as loud and playful as she usually is. She normally meows a lot. She hasn't done that much lately and that worries me, but I'm hoping it is just because she is getting over the infection. Bless her heart. She has been pitiful.

It could be something that is bad and life-threatening but I won't know unless she acts sickly again and I take her back to the vet. I'm just going to keep a close watch on her and hope for the best! She is my baby and I don't know what I would do without her!

Pictures of Delilah:

This is Delilah, when she was a baby! She was such a handful. The first night that I had her, she had to stay downstairs, while we went upstairs to sleep. Our pit bull at the time, stayed in the bed with me and we were afraid to put them together. She climbed up the stairs and meowed and meowed at the door. I took her downstairs and laid on the couch with her and she cuddled with me. I fell in love with her after that! I stayed on the couch with her for about a week and then we were able to put the dog and cat together.

Look at my sweet baby. She is just precious in this picture. I haven't been able to get her to wear a collar since. She hates them! The bell on it must have annoyed her! :)

This picture was taken last year. She loves to be outside but unfortunately I can't let her out there anymore because of fleas and other cats that are in the neighborhood!

Can you tell that I LOVE this cat??? I hope she gets better soon!!!

Then And Now

This is going to be a blog post that's full of pictures from a long, long time ago and some that are recent! I love to look at old pictures and reminisce about when I was a little girl. It's funny that as kids, we were in such a rush to grow up. Now, I would love to go back and be a little girl again with no worries and a lot of time to play!This picture was taken at our old house in Lebanon. I think it's one of the earliest pictures that my parents have of me, considering that they adopted me when I was 5 months old! My mom looks so happy in this picture. She waited a long time to finally be able to adopt kids. She wasn't able to have any on her own.

Look at my crazy hair! Believe it or not, I still look like that when I wake up in the mornings! This was taken on Christmas morning. The sad part....I didn't get a bike for Christmas. My brother did and I wanted it!!! I still have that bear at my mom's house! I loved that thing, because it talked to me! :)

This is one of my favorites of my brother and I! We looked so happy to be in a picture together! Little did our parents know.....that would definitely change!

Abe and I always had huge imaginations. We spent a lot of time outside in the woods behind our house! I loved that red jacket so much too and I just love Abe's shoes! Haha!

I'm almost positive that this was the day that my "attitude" was born! This is a picture of me, Abe, and our cousin, Bianca at our grandparents house. I have no idea what I was mad about, but I am not a happy camper!!!

I loved Kindergarten! I had the best teacher that I will always remember. Miss Stout was her name back then(now it is Mrs. Chaffin). One of the best memories that I have from Kindergarten, is the sleepover that we had at Miss Stout's house! We had so much fun and I can remember it like it was yesterday. I got lucky too, because I had the same teacher for 5th grade! :)
I loved climbing and hanging from trees when I was younger! I wish I could still do that now, but I would probably break my hip. ;) This was taken at my grandparents house. I have so many wonderful memories from that house. The dog in the picture is "Boots". It's funny how I remember her name, even though she died many, many years ago. She was a sweet dog!

Since it's so close to Halloween, I wanted to put this picture on here! We dressed up as zombies for a church Halloween party. At least that's what I think we went as....or maybe we're supposed to be ghosts. I can't remember! We had a lot of fun at those parties each year, bobbing for apples and going through the "haunted house" upstairs and getting to stick our hands in a "dead person". Halloween just isn't as fun when you're older, unless you have kids!

This is a little out of order but I found it and had to put it on here! This is a picture of Abe, a girl that I don't remember, and me playing violin in a recital. We started playing violin when we were 3 years old. I took lessons until I was 18. I can still play, but I'm a little rusty. I wish I had kept up with it but after doing it for so long, I was burned out!!! I had a lot of fun being in an orchestra even though it was hard work and time consuming!

So....you know the picture up at the top where I said that Abe and I looked so happy to be in a picture together? Yep, that changed. I think we were mad at our parents in this one. We were at soccer practice and we pretty much hated each other anyways! It's funny how things change!

As EMBARRASSING as this picture is, I had to share it. I am loving the glasses and the braces! I love babies....always have, always will. I was so happy in this picture! My hair was really puffy and long but at least I was sort of tan, which is more than I can say for myself right now! ;)

I look extremely anorexic in this picture, do I not?!?!? I was so skinny back then and it wasn't because I was anorexic. I just had a really fast metabolism, I guess! Why couldn't I have been a beached whale back then, and skinny now??? It's not fair! This is a picture of my mom and I at church. I love my mama!

This was taken at a church lock-in at the Jimmy Floyd Center in Lebanon. I think at this point I was absolutely delirious, but I always had fun at the lock-ins! My hair DOES NOT get that straight anymore!

This was the last picture taken of my dad and I, before he left. That chorus dress was very hot and very uncomfortable!!! I can remember performing at a church with sweat dripping down my back. My chorus teacher, Mr. Herring, was such a memorable teacher. I used to argue and argue with him....bless his heart. I was and still am a stubborn person! Good times, good times.

This was at Mid South Youth Camp aka church camp. Erin, I know you read my blog, so maybe you will get a good laugh out of this one! :) I look like I'm wearing a bandanna as a skirt! This was the year that I was "head over heels in love" with Jason and we were getting ready to go to Freed Hardeman. We all had "dates". That is hilarious!!! I had so much fun at church camp the years that I went but I do have to admit that I didn't go for the whole "church" experience. I went to meet guys!!! At least I can be honest about that now! ;)

This picture was taken at "banquet" my junior year. We couldn't have "proms" because they didn't allow dancing! At least they fed us! ;) My date was Michael who I swore up and down was the guy that I was going to marry....along with a million other guys. What can I say? I was a "little" guy crazy!

You just have to love the family church pictures for the church directory! Awe...my brother looks adorable!!!

Senior year banquet! I was just extremely tan...almost a little too tan. We had fun and I won't even mention that I went to banquet with a freshman that year! Wow.


I think this was in 2007 when I was getting ready to go to work for the first time as a CNA. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into! ;)