My Opinion

I heard about a woman in Hendersonville, Tennessee who has confessed to killing her infant twins.  She went into labor while she was on the toilet at her parents house.  The first one came, and she says that she held her hand over the infant's mouth until he died.  She did the same with the second one.  She has said that she didn't want her parents to hear the infants crying because they didn't know that she was pregnant.  Right now, everyone is saying that no one knew that she was pregnant.  


She went to court today and several of her loved ones showed up and provided testimonies about her. Her dad said that him and his wife did not know that their daughter was pregnant, but that their daughter is a model daughter and is "as good as it gets".  People who went to church with the woman testified saying that she is honest, loyal, and not a monster.  


This woman is 25 years old and from all indications has always been level-headed and smart, up until this point.  I would just like to know why in the world she killed her twin boys.  What made her decide to do that instead of taking them to a hospital and telling them that she did not want them and was afraid that she would hurt them?  It is sickening to me that she killed them and just threw one of them in a laundry basket and who knows where the police found the other one.  This woman is sick and a cold-blooded murderer.  


The judge set her bond today at $250,000.00.  In my opinion, she shouldn't be let out of jail.  She admitted to committing first-degree murder and yet she can be bonded out of jail?  That is crazy.  The judge said that he thinks that she is more of a threat to herself than to other people.  That is besides the point.  She killed two babies.  Two babies that will never feel the love of their mother.  Two babies that never had a chance at a real life.  Two babies that were killed upon arrival into this world, instead of being treated like other newborn babies who are held and loved and kissed and cuddled.  Two babies who can't speak for themselves and who are completely innocent in all of this.


I know that there were still be a trial but I just think that she should stay in jail until that time.  In my opinion, I don't think she deserves to be out of there after what she did...mentally stable or not.  I can understand a woman getting pregnant and becoming scared about having a baby...maybe because she isn't financially ready or the father of the child isn't around or because of being scared of parents reactions.  But she could have taken them somewhere and given them up.  I would have gladly taken both of those baby boys.  I may never have children of my own, so when something like this happens, it breaks my heart and makes me angry.  How can someone be so selfish?  She thought too much about what other people would think and how they would react and kept the pregnancy to herself(or at least she says she did) and probably didn't once think about how wrong it was to kill those infants.  Sick.  


That's my opinion on all of that.  I hope that she gets the justice that she deserves.  I'm not saying that she should get the death penalty.  I just think that she needs to really think about what she did, long and hard.  I hope that if she is extremely mentally ill that she gets the help that she needs.  It doesn't justify her killing her babies but I do know that mental illness makes people do things that on a normal basis, they would never do.  I can only imagine what her family and friends are going through....considering that they didn't even know that she was pregnant in the first place.    

Been A While...

I haven't posted in a few weeks because I have been extremely busy.  I've been attempting to settle into my new job and get used to the schedule, which changes from week to week.  My schedule has mostly consisted of day shifts, but I've had a few night shifts as well.  I guess that I like the job.  It's not a difficult job, by any means, but it is going to take a while to get used to the people that I am working with.  I have already encountered some bad attitudes that were completely uncalled for, and as hard as it is on me, I have to just ignore it and let it go.  

I have been dealing with depression a lot lately.  Unfortunately, depression goes along with the PCOS that I have.  My hormones are so imbalanced right now which causes my moods to be up and down constantly.  One minute I'm happy as can be and in the blink of an eye, I'm in a bad mood.  I'm sure that part of it has to do with not being completely happy with certain things in my life but most of it is related to hormone imbalance.  It is frustrating, to say the very least.  

I lack motivation when it comes to everything.  I have bursts of energy every now and then and am able to accomplish things that need to be done, but most of the time I just can't bring myself to do anything.  I'm afraid that it might affect my job, and that is terrible.  On days that I have to go to work, I dread it, and it has nothing to do with the job.  There is no reason for it and I can't explain it.    There isn't anything that I can do to help myself with it either.  I don't have health insurance yet, so I can't just make a doctor's appointment without it costing me an arm and a leg.  I don't know what to do.  I do know that if my hormones were balanced out and the depression went away, I would probably be perfectly normal again.  

It's embarrassing to even bring up all of this stuff on here because I know that a lot of people probably won't understand, but this is where I go to get things off of my mind.  I'm just so tired of battling PCOS and depression.  It's hard enough to think about the fact that I may never have children of my own.  Pile on the depression and the physical symptoms that come with PCOS and those things make it a million times worse.  I just wish so much that I was normal!  

Aside from all of that, life has been pretty good.  Mike and I went to Columbia, TN on Labor Day and saw my side of the family.  They threw us a after-wedding get-together and we got a lot of great gifts.  I had made a registry so all of the gifts that I got were things that Mike and I had picked out.    My cousins, Bianca and Monica, put the shower together and it was perfect.  We had a cake and played wedding shower games.  It meant so much to me that they went to all that trouble to make it a nice shower!  

Mike and I have been going to Alayna's volleyball games a lot lately.  This is her first year playing and she is already really good at it!  She is growing up fast.  I still can't believe that I am a step-mom to a 14 year old but it is fun.  She has a new boyfriend now and is crazy about him.  I think that it is adorable and it brings back memories from when I was her age!  Being a teenager was fun for the most part!  

My mom's church is throwing a wedding shower for us on October 1st so I have to add more things to the registry.  I really need to do that before I go to bed tonight.  I have to work at 2pm today so I better get off of here and get that done!  

One Month Of Marriage

Yesterday, Mike and I realized that we have been married for one month!  I know that's not a long time, but it's still exciting for us!  I've already learned a lot about marriage in just a month and it has been so much fun!  

Here is a list of things that I have learned/realized since Mike and I got married:  

1. No matter how badly you want your husband to do the dishes, he will not do them if he doesn't want to.  I realized this not too long ago.  Mike HATES doing the dishes!  I don't like doing them either, but someone has to!  Mike has figured out that saying that he will do the dishes in a few hours makes me happy.  He has also figured out that I absolutely can't wait a few hours for him to do them, and will do them before he has to.  Basically, it makes him feel like a wonderful husband for saying that he will do them, but he also knows that if he puts it off and puts it off, my little bit of OCD will click on and I will do them!  It's hilarious!  I do have to say that if I am sick or just not feeling too well, Mike does the dishes.  I have to give him some credit!  

2. I don't know if anyone out there has a husband that does the laundry, but Mike doesn't do laundry much either.  He has helped me hang up clothes and fold clothes, but when it comes to actually starting the washing machine/dryer, he rarely does it!  

3. Apparently, women who are wives, are expected to cook, do the dishes, do laundry, and clean the house.  Thank goodness my husband does help me a lot when it comes to cleaning the house.  :)    

4. Now that we are married, Mike and I fight a lot less than we did before!  I don't know for sure why we fight less now, but I honestly think that it is because a lot of stress is off of me now that we're married.  We were living together before we got married, and as much I loved living with him, I knew that in God's eyes and other people's eyes, that it was wrong.  I constantly had to defend myself and Mike when it came to other people bringing up how wrong it is to live with someone before marriage and have sex before marriage.  I know that according to the Bible and God, it's wrong.  It was just causing me a lot of stress and I didn't realize it until recently!  I do remember the afternoon after we got married, I told Mike that God must be smiling down on us at that moment because we had made what we were doing, right.  When Mike and I fight, it's over little issues but in the past those little issues caused big fights!  Now, we rarely fight and it's great!  :)  

5. It is absolutely wonderful being able to wake up next to my husband every single day.  We really have so much laughter in our marriage, and I don't think we even realize it a lot of the time.  My husband accepts me for who I am.  He might poke fun at me every now and then, but I love it.  For example, about two week ago I wasn't feeling good.  One morning, I woke up and was thirsty.  Mike was already awake and in the living room.  I walked into the living room to go to the kitchen, and Mike says, "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes".  Let me just say that when I wake up in the mornings, I usually look like I just got ran over by a 18 wheeler.  My hair is normally all over my head and my eyes don't open fully until about an hour after I wake up.  Of course, Mike was being "funny" when he said what he did but it cracked me up.  I'm glad that he can find humor in what I look like when I get out of bed!  LOL!  

Those are just a few things that I have learned/realized so far.  Being married to Mike is absolutely amazing.  I love being a newlywed!  My husband might get on my nerves sometimes but he treats me extremely well and makes me happy!  I love him so much!  

I'm A Step-Mom

Let me just be honest...I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to being a step-mom.  If my step-daughter was a toddler or even a little older than that, I'm sure that I would be doing much better in the step-mom department!  My step-daughter is fourteen years old.  She just started her freshman year in high school.  She really is a sweet girl and very well mannered.  

I just don't know how to become closer to her.  I can relate with the things that she is going through right now because I went through those things when I was her age.  She had her first boyfriend a while back and he broke up with her.  She never mentioned it to me or her dad and I'm sure she was much more comfortable talking about it with her mom.  I don't blame her.  I was the same way when I had a step-mom.  I didn't really talk to her about anything.  

When Alayna and I are alone together, I ask her about school and about her friends and other things, but I just can't seem to get her to open up to me.  I don't want to know everything about her life but when I reach out to her and try to seem interested in her life, I get short answers.  It just feels very awkward between us and I know that she has to feel the same way.  

I've known Alayna since 2008.  That is when Mike and I met.  She was eleven at the time, and she liked me from the get-go.  I just feel that we should be closer since we have known each other for almost three years.  I've never tried to be her mother.  I've always just tried to be her friend, which is how a step-mom should be.  When she is at our house, I don't ask her to do anything(she never makes a mess anyways) and am never nosy when she is on her phone or laptop.  

Why does it feel so awkward between us after three years?  Maybe I'm just over-thinking it and worrying about nothing, but I just wish we were closer.  She has never had anything against me, that I know of.  Her mom and dad broke up before she was born.  So, it's not like they had broken up right before I met Mike.  Maybe this is just how she is and maybe she just doesn't know what to talk to me about.  Maybe she thinks that I don't want to talk to her, even though I feel that I've always shown that I'm open to talk about anything!  

This is frustrating but I guess that is just part of being a step-mom to a teenager.  It doesn't help that I don't have kids of my own.  Maybe then I would understand a little more and would be more motherly!  

If you have any advice, I would appreciate it!  I'm completely lost when it comes to being a step-mom and I just want to be the best one that I can be to Alayna!    

Passing The Time...

I've been up since 6:00pm yesterday.  This tooth has been hurting more during the day and because of that I've been sleeping during the day and staying awake most of the night.  I'm so exhausted right now but I have to be at the oral surgeon's office at 10:45am.  We are leaving the house at 10:00am.  I thought that a shower would wake me up, but it did the opposite.  I'm even more sleepy!  I'm so anxious about this surgery.  I know that it really isn't that serious of a surgery, but I'm kind of scared about getting the shot put into my gums.  The last time I had that done, it hurt so much.  At least this time I will have the gas and hopefully that will help out some.  I guess I just hate dental work.  


I was on Facebook a little while ago and I saw a post from channel 4 news.  They were asking for opinions about whether or not sex education should be required in schools.  I think that it should be required.  These days, kids are having sex at a younger age.  Some of them are having sex before they are even teenagers.  Most, if not all of them, don't understand all of the risks that come with having sex.  My mom has had girls in her classes(she teaches at a high school) that have admitted to having sex and say that they won't get pregnant.  The worst part is that the ones that have said it, also have said that they aren't using any protection.  I think a lot of kids don't realize that it is very easy to get pregnant, even if you don't have full blown intercourse.  My mom has said that she also has kids that say that they don't use protection because the guy doesn't want to.  The guys tell them that it won't feel good if they use a condom.  That shows that kids really don't understand how easy it is to get a sexually transmitted disease.  Like most kids, they think they are invincible.  


I know that having required sex education classes in schools wouldn't stop every kid from getting pregnant or getting a STD, but I do think that they should be taught about those things.  They need to know about the different diseases and how serious some of them really are.  A lot of parents teach those things to their kids, but others don't.  Girls are getting pregnant at a younger and younger age every year and although a lot of them turn out to be wonderful mothers, there are some that turn out to be terrible mothers.  That isn't fair to the child.  A lot of girls think that they will get attention if they get pregnant.  It's sad that they crave attention so much that they feel that getting pregnant is the only way to go about getting the attention that they need.  


I think girls should be taught about the importance of waiting to have sex until they are either married or mature enough to know to use protection and how to prevent pregnancy.  I wish that I had listened to my parents when it came to the subject of sex.  I didn't wait until I was married and I regret that.  I did know the consequences of having sex at an early age and that did deter me from having sex at an extremely young age, but I definitely wish that I had waited until I was married!  A lot of girls think that they have to have sex with a guy to keep them as their boyfriend or to get a guy to love them.  A lot of guys use that to pressure a girl to have sex with them.  That is so wrong and I wish that every girl out there that is young would realize that they don't have to do that to get a guy to love them and that the one that really loves them, will wait.  


Now that I am a step-mom to a fourteen year old, my outlook about teenagers and sex is different.  Now, it is scary!  I don't want my step-daughter to have sex at her age.  She is a good kid and she goes to a christian school but unfortunately that doesn't mean much.  I was a good kid and went to a christian school...and I had sex.  I think that she knows better than to do that but all that parents and step-parents can do is talk to their kids and tell them the facts.  You could be extremely strict with kids and never let them leave the house, but that just leads to arguments and hostility.  


So...in my opinion, sex education should be required in schools but not to the point of handing out condoms.  That just gives kids the idea to have sex because they think that as long as they have a condom that there isn't anything wrong with them having sex at such a young age.  They just need to know the facts....about the consequences of having sex.  


That's my opinion of the day!  LOL...just trying to pass the time before I get this tooth out!  

Facebook Really Can Be Useful!

I am in complete awe about something that happened last night.  My mom called me yesterday afternoon and asked me if I would be able to take her to Centennial today so that she could be there for her brother who is having heart surgery.  He has been having a lot of heart problems lately, and has had a lot of procedures done.  I told her that I was having oral surgery today and wouldn't be able to do it.  She told me that she was going to drive, even though she never drives downtown and is actually terrified of doing that.  I gave her the directions last night and she told me that there was no way that she would be able to drive herself to Centennial.  She was afraid that she would have a wreck or get lost.  


She called her brother and told him that she wasn't going to be able to make it.  Then, she called me back and was crying.  She told me that she was so scared for her brother and that she didn't want Jan(her brother's wife) to be alone while he was in surgery.  She said that she was upset at herself for never learning to drive in Nashville.  I tried to reassure her but she just kept crying.  She had another phone call come through while we were talking and so she told me she would call me back.  


While I was waiting for her to call me back, I posted a status on Facebook.  I asked if anyone in Lebanon knew of someone that could take my mom to Centennial and bring her back home, to contact me.  In less than an hour of posting that status, someone called my mom and told her that they would take her and bring her home too.  First, my friend Lisa who goes to my mom's church messaged me on Facebook.  She said that she had texted someone but was waiting to see if they would respond.  They texted her back and then called my mom and set everything up for today.  The assistant minister at my mom's church and his wife are the ones that are helping my mom out.  


I am so thankful to Facebook for that.  I had never used Facebook for that purpose until last night and I couldn't believe how fast everything got worked out.  My mom finally called me back and just said that she got someone to take her.  She had no idea that I was the one that found someone for her.  The assistant minister had mentioned Lisa's name to her, but she couldn't figure out why he had said something about her.  


The most amazing part is that I posted that status at about 9:00pm and someone still took the time to find someone to help my mom.  I am so thankful for Lisa and for what she did to help my mom and I.  I hate not being able to help my mom, so I knew that I had to find someone to take her today.  I'm also very thankful for the assistant minister and his wife.  They dropped everything to help my mom.  Maybe they didn't have anything to do today, but I know that they have kids so I'm sure they had to rearrange their schedule a little bit.  


My mom was so happy to hear that she would be able to be there for her brother and Jan.  She hates to let people down, just like I do.  Plus, this surgery is complicated and she told me that she would feel so bad if something happened to her brother and she wasn't there.  


Facebook can have it's negativity at times, but last night it was the complete opposite!  Without it, my mom wouldn't have made it to Centennial today!  :)

Oral Surgery Today

I'm having oral surgery in about four hours.  My upper right wisdom tooth is going to be cut out since there isn't much of it left and not enough of it showing for it to be pulled.  This tooth has needed to be taken out for a while now!  Last year, I got the upper left wisdom tooth out and at that time the dentist told me that the other one needed to come out too.  I didn't let him take the other one out, due to the way that I was treated by the dentist and the dental students.  


I went to Meharry for the other one last year.  The dentist/oral surgeon seemed nice, but everything changed once I was taken back to have the tooth taken out.  Not only was the dentist in the room, but there were ten students in the room as well.  One of the students looked like he was 10 years old...literally.  I don't know if he was just extremely smart for his age or if he had some kind of medical condition that made him look like a child....but it was really scary when I started thinking about him coming anywhere near my mouth!  


During the tooth extraction, one of the students dropped the suction tube down my throat and I started choking.  Neither the doctor nor the students noticed it.  I had to hit the dentist to get him to realize that I was choking!  By that time, I was a nervous wreck.  I was in pain because I could literally feel everything that he was doing to my tooth and choking on a suction tube didn't help matters.  After the procedure was done, I wasn't even given a prescription for pain medicine.  I would have understood that if all that he had done was pulled the tooth, but he actually had to cut it out, which meant cutting my gums.  


Needless to say, today I will not be going to Meharry.  I'm going to the oral surgeon that my husband and his parents have been going to for a while.  They said he is wonderful, so I'm hoping that everything goes well.  The office reassured Mike that I would have nitrous oxide before they started the procedure and during the procedure.  They also told him that I would be prescribed pain medicine after they were finished.  I'm sure that I will need it so that is a good thing!  


The oral surgeon was nice enough to call me in an antibiotic on Tuesday, even though I am a new patient.  I don't think they were supposed to do that legally, but since Mike and his parents are long-time patients of that office they decided to help.  This tooth is definitely infected and the gums around it are extremely swollen.  I've been using a whole lot of Orajel.  I know that's not good, but it is the only medicine that has helped with the pain.  I had some left over hydrocodone and even that didn't touch the pain that I'm having!  


So...I'm a little nervous about having this surgery today, but I am ready to get this tooth out.  The pain I have had lately is the worst that I have had in my life, and that is saying a lot because I have been through some painful things in my life.  The pain has been so bad that at times, I have had panic attacks because I just couldn't deal with it!  


I'm hoping for a smooth surgery and a fast recovery.  I know that I'm going to be in some pain after this, but I know it will be worth it!