Love Of My Life

I love my fiance'. I can honestly say that he is the love of my life. He makes me laugh constantly and cares about me so much. Those are the two qualities that have always been so important to me in the past when I was dating. I have been in relationships before with men who "bored" me to death. There wasn't enough laughter and they just weren't "goofy" enough for me. I'm a silly person and I love to laugh...so in the past, any guy that couldn't make me laugh or had no sense of humor got pushed on their merry little way.

Mike is hilarious! He is so random and you never know what he is going to say or do. I absolutely love it. We goof off so much together and it is fun! He is my best friend and I'm so happy that he found me in 2008 on Myspace! Yep, that's right! We met on that website. He was browsing through people on there and came across my picture. He has always told me that even though there were tons of other profiles next to mine...it was like mine lit up to him, and he had to click on it and send me a message. I was kind of hesitant at first about meeting him in person...because sometimes that can be dangerous...but something just told me to do it...and now, over two years later we are engaged! I never saw it coming!

He is the only guy that I have been with that can handle me. I'm a different type of person and I have a unique personality that a lot of guys in the past just haven't been able to handle. I can get really goofy, so I never lasted long in a relationship with a guy that was serious all of the time. Mike is more goofy than I am! He knows how to deal with my moods and he will put me in my place really fast, if I say or do something completely wrong. He doesn't back down to me at all when he knows that I'm wrong. I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong and I always needed a man like Mike! In the past I would be with a guy and get in a fight and he would back down because he just didn't want to deal with it. Mike is the opposite. If we get in a fight, and I'm in the wrong but don't admit to it, he tells me quickly that I'm wrong and then I start thinking about it and apologize. I would say that we have a really strong relationship. He admits when he is wrong and I might be reluctant to admit when I'm wrong, but I always come around and admit it, in the end. I'm thankful that he puts up with me! ;)

I am so in love with him. Words can't even begin to describe how I feel about him. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. I've never wanted so much to make anyone happy...but with him, I always try to make him happy and he is the same way with me. We have been through a lot together and it has only made us stronger. We have been through some very stressful issues and went through it together. That is why we are still together today. We realized that we can make it through any situation, any fight, any struggle...without breaking our relationship.

We love each other unconditionally....and that is proven because I have seen him at his worst and he has seen me at my worst. The first night that we met in person, he saw me at my worst, because it was the night that my best friend died in a car wreck on his way to meet me. I had already met Mike earlier in the day, but when I couldn't find Matt and it was close to midnight...I went to Mike's house to wait there until I heard something. He was right beside me when Matt's friend called me and told me that he had died. He had some other friends over, and cleared them out of the room and knelt down beside me and talked to me. I knew at that very moment, that he was special and was a good man.

I can't wait to marry him! :)

The Latest

I haven't posted lately because life has been incredibly crazy! We had a death in the family the weekend before Thanksgiving and I was out of town for several days.

I'm engaged! Mike proposed to me on Thanksgiving when I got home from being out of town! I was not expecting it at all. He had joked around about it several times...in other words...he proposed to me with a "ring pop" and then did it again with a picture from a magazine. That was all part of his plan but it made me so frustrated every time he did that! Both times, I thought it was the real thing and then it turned out to be a joke. I had given up on hoping for a real proposal. ;)

His plan was to propose to me on Thanksgiving day while his entire family was here. He bought the ring the week before. His plan didn't work out because of the death in my family. I ended up having to go out of town with my mom and wasn't there when his whole family was at the house. I got home that night and he was asleep. I woke him up and he asked me if I was really depressed. I said no, but that the funeral and everything had been extremely hard to deal with. He said, "I'm sorry". I didn't know what he was apologizing for, but then he handed me a box. I knew what it was but I didn't believe it was the "real deal" so I said, "What is this???" in a really sarcastic tone. LOL. He opened it up and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes, and then laughed and cried!

We have been together for over two years so it was about time! ;) Any other woman might have gotten mad at the way that he proposed. Not this girl. I was so happy! He could have proposed to me in a bathroom beside a toilet and it would have been okay. I have been wanting to marry him for a while and just the fact that he proposed made me the happiest woman on the planet.

We haven't set a date yet. My parents aren't able to help out with money for the wedding and Mike just started his own business. It is going well but we are wanting to move closer to his business and get settled in before we get married. We are both hoping that we will get married sometime next year. I have no idea where I want to get married, but I want it to be a simple wedding....just preferably not at the courthouse! LOL. That just doesn't sound romantic. I really don't want to get married in a church either. I guess I should really start looking at places but lately I haven't had time! His business is open 6 days a week and we have been busy with that.

This month has been hard. I lost the person that was always a true grandmother to me. We knew that it was coming, but it was a shock to everyone once it happened. It has made it even harder considering the fact that it happened right before the holidays. Thanksgiving wasn't the same without her and Christmas will be just as hard. She had planned her funeral before she passed away. She was on hospice and she wanted everything to already be planned out so that her husband wouldn't have to deal with all of it while he was grieving. The funeral was beautiful and so was the burial ceremony. We released 4 white doves at her burial site just like she had planned it. I miss her every single day and I hope she is watching over me from heaven, because that is exactly where she is. Right before she died, she said that she saw Jesus and her mother and that it was all so beautiful. That makes me smile and I know that she is better off because she isn't suffering anymore.

That's the update for now! Have a great weekend! :)

Delilah

Last week was not a very good week because my cat, Delilah, was really sick. I started noticing it last Sunday. She wasn't using the bathroom in the litter box. Instead, she was using it on the rugs in the house. I'm glad that she did because I was able to soak it up and see that there was blood in her urine. That usually means that the cat has a urinary tract infection. So, off to the vet we went on Monday. He confirmed the urinary tract infection just by the symptoms and put her on some antibiotics. He told me that they usually get rid of the infection in two days. That didn't happen. I thought she was getting better but early Friday morning she had urinated in the bathtub and there was a lot of blood in her urine.

I cried myself to sleep and slept for a few hours. There is nothing worse than feeling helpless when it comes to a pet. I get attached to animals. I've had Delilah since 2007. She was just a baby kitten when I got her and she bonded with me really fast. I called the vet on Friday morning and was able to get an appointment for 11:30am. I was worried sick and scared that she would be diagnosed with something really bad. I showed the vet the picture that I took of the urine in the bathtub and he gave her a shot. He said that if she didn't get better by Monday, to call and bring her back in.

So far, so good. She still doesn't seem to be back to her normal self, but she hasn't been urinating outside of the litter pan(that I am aware of) and she is eating and drinking. She just isn't as loud and playful as she usually is. She normally meows a lot. She hasn't done that much lately and that worries me, but I'm hoping it is just because she is getting over the infection. Bless her heart. She has been pitiful.

It could be something that is bad and life-threatening but I won't know unless she acts sickly again and I take her back to the vet. I'm just going to keep a close watch on her and hope for the best! She is my baby and I don't know what I would do without her!

Pictures of Delilah:

This is Delilah, when she was a baby! She was such a handful. The first night that I had her, she had to stay downstairs, while we went upstairs to sleep. Our pit bull at the time, stayed in the bed with me and we were afraid to put them together. She climbed up the stairs and meowed and meowed at the door. I took her downstairs and laid on the couch with her and she cuddled with me. I fell in love with her after that! I stayed on the couch with her for about a week and then we were able to put the dog and cat together.

Look at my sweet baby. She is just precious in this picture. I haven't been able to get her to wear a collar since. She hates them! The bell on it must have annoyed her! :)

This picture was taken last year. She loves to be outside but unfortunately I can't let her out there anymore because of fleas and other cats that are in the neighborhood!

Can you tell that I LOVE this cat??? I hope she gets better soon!!!

Then And Now

This is going to be a blog post that's full of pictures from a long, long time ago and some that are recent! I love to look at old pictures and reminisce about when I was a little girl. It's funny that as kids, we were in such a rush to grow up. Now, I would love to go back and be a little girl again with no worries and a lot of time to play!This picture was taken at our old house in Lebanon. I think it's one of the earliest pictures that my parents have of me, considering that they adopted me when I was 5 months old! My mom looks so happy in this picture. She waited a long time to finally be able to adopt kids. She wasn't able to have any on her own.

Look at my crazy hair! Believe it or not, I still look like that when I wake up in the mornings! This was taken on Christmas morning. The sad part....I didn't get a bike for Christmas. My brother did and I wanted it!!! I still have that bear at my mom's house! I loved that thing, because it talked to me! :)

This is one of my favorites of my brother and I! We looked so happy to be in a picture together! Little did our parents know.....that would definitely change!

Abe and I always had huge imaginations. We spent a lot of time outside in the woods behind our house! I loved that red jacket so much too and I just love Abe's shoes! Haha!

I'm almost positive that this was the day that my "attitude" was born! This is a picture of me, Abe, and our cousin, Bianca at our grandparents house. I have no idea what I was mad about, but I am not a happy camper!!!

I loved Kindergarten! I had the best teacher that I will always remember. Miss Stout was her name back then(now it is Mrs. Chaffin). One of the best memories that I have from Kindergarten, is the sleepover that we had at Miss Stout's house! We had so much fun and I can remember it like it was yesterday. I got lucky too, because I had the same teacher for 5th grade! :)
I loved climbing and hanging from trees when I was younger! I wish I could still do that now, but I would probably break my hip. ;) This was taken at my grandparents house. I have so many wonderful memories from that house. The dog in the picture is "Boots". It's funny how I remember her name, even though she died many, many years ago. She was a sweet dog!

Since it's so close to Halloween, I wanted to put this picture on here! We dressed up as zombies for a church Halloween party. At least that's what I think we went as....or maybe we're supposed to be ghosts. I can't remember! We had a lot of fun at those parties each year, bobbing for apples and going through the "haunted house" upstairs and getting to stick our hands in a "dead person". Halloween just isn't as fun when you're older, unless you have kids!

This is a little out of order but I found it and had to put it on here! This is a picture of Abe, a girl that I don't remember, and me playing violin in a recital. We started playing violin when we were 3 years old. I took lessons until I was 18. I can still play, but I'm a little rusty. I wish I had kept up with it but after doing it for so long, I was burned out!!! I had a lot of fun being in an orchestra even though it was hard work and time consuming!

So....you know the picture up at the top where I said that Abe and I looked so happy to be in a picture together? Yep, that changed. I think we were mad at our parents in this one. We were at soccer practice and we pretty much hated each other anyways! It's funny how things change!

As EMBARRASSING as this picture is, I had to share it. I am loving the glasses and the braces! I love babies....always have, always will. I was so happy in this picture! My hair was really puffy and long but at least I was sort of tan, which is more than I can say for myself right now! ;)

I look extremely anorexic in this picture, do I not?!?!? I was so skinny back then and it wasn't because I was anorexic. I just had a really fast metabolism, I guess! Why couldn't I have been a beached whale back then, and skinny now??? It's not fair! This is a picture of my mom and I at church. I love my mama!

This was taken at a church lock-in at the Jimmy Floyd Center in Lebanon. I think at this point I was absolutely delirious, but I always had fun at the lock-ins! My hair DOES NOT get that straight anymore!

This was the last picture taken of my dad and I, before he left. That chorus dress was very hot and very uncomfortable!!! I can remember performing at a church with sweat dripping down my back. My chorus teacher, Mr. Herring, was such a memorable teacher. I used to argue and argue with him....bless his heart. I was and still am a stubborn person! Good times, good times.

This was at Mid South Youth Camp aka church camp. Erin, I know you read my blog, so maybe you will get a good laugh out of this one! :) I look like I'm wearing a bandanna as a skirt! This was the year that I was "head over heels in love" with Jason and we were getting ready to go to Freed Hardeman. We all had "dates". That is hilarious!!! I had so much fun at church camp the years that I went but I do have to admit that I didn't go for the whole "church" experience. I went to meet guys!!! At least I can be honest about that now! ;)

This picture was taken at "banquet" my junior year. We couldn't have "proms" because they didn't allow dancing! At least they fed us! ;) My date was Michael who I swore up and down was the guy that I was going to marry....along with a million other guys. What can I say? I was a "little" guy crazy!

You just have to love the family church pictures for the church directory! Awe...my brother looks adorable!!!

Senior year banquet! I was just extremely tan...almost a little too tan. We had fun and I won't even mention that I went to banquet with a freshman that year! Wow.


I think this was in 2007 when I was getting ready to go to work for the first time as a CNA. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into! ;)

Possibilities....

I am on a break from school until Wednesday. My last day of 1st trimester was last Wednesday. This break is much needed and I haven't done much of anything. Being able to sleep in is amazing! :)

Last night I was on the Tennessee website looking at information on opening adoption records. I researched this several years ago and was told that I would have to pay a lot of money to even begin to open the records. Last night, I was reading a document about all of the rules and everything, and realized that I can open my records for free apparently. It gives me a lot to think about. I have always wondered about my biological family. There has always been this feeling in me that something is missing and it's that I don't know where I came from. All that I know is that my brother and I were adopted from the same family and that my mother couldn't take care of us so she gave us both up for adoption after I was born. My biological dad left her to deal with it all.

I would love it if I found out that they are all happy and living wonderful lives, but I know that might not be the case. They might not even be alive anymore. I tell myself that I can handle whatever I find out, but I won't know until it actually is in front of me and I know everything for sure. I haven't made a decision about starting the process of opening the records, but my heart is telling me to do it. I have the opportunity to send my information in and have them search for the records. If they find them, and my biological mother didn't put anything on there about me not being allowed to see them, I can have them. From there, I have the choice of searching for my family or not.

There might not even be any information to see. That is what I have been told before by my parents because they don't think I would find out anything. But, I also don't think they know for sure. It would be okay if I couldn't find out anything because then, at least I would know that I tried my best to find out. It would be disappointing, but I haven't known anything about my biological family for 25 years, so not knowing anything for the rest of my life wouldn't be that big of a deal.

If my biological mom is alive and I am able to find her, I would love to meet her. I wouldn't be able to call her mom, because I have a mom. But, there is a part inside me that longs to get to know the person that was courageous enough to give my brother and I up so that we could have a chance at life. She could have aborted us, but she didn't. If my dad is still alive I would like to meet him too. It kind of scares me about meeting him, because what kind of person would leave the way he did, but I still want to know about him.

I just hope that I am able to open the records and just get at least a little glimpse into the family that I was supposed to be with originally. There are traits that I have that I didn't get from my parents(adoptive). Of course, I don't look like them, and I have always been curious as to whether I look like my real mom or dad or both. I don't know how many siblings I have and I want to know all that too.

This is going to be quite an experience, and I just hope that everything works out for the best!!! :)

My Aunt Ruth

Today has been a rough day. My Aunt Ruth is not doing well at all and won't be here much longer. I went to see her today with my dad. I definitely wasn't prepared to see how she was when we got there. Her mind is mostly gone but it comes and goes. She knew who I was off and on and her face would light up each time she remembered. It broke my heart. I just held her hands and talked to her. She is in a lot of pain and I just don't want her to suffer anymore. This all happened so fast and I honestly didn't realize how bad it was until I saw her today. I wasn't prepared to have to say goodbye but once I saw her I realized that I might not see her again after today.

She was a big part of my life when I was growing up. She lived close by and was like a grandmother to me. She came to grandparents day at my elementary school several times when my grandparents couldn't make it. She went to a lot of my piano and violin recitals and was just always around me. I remember going to her house and having so much fun. She never missed my birthday and used to give me savings bonds on any special occasion. She stepped in as a grandmother because my dad's mom wasn't around us when we were growing up. She is such a sweet woman and I am going to miss her terribly. I regret not spending more time with her. That is really eating at me right now. She was such an important part of my life when I was younger and I should have made more of an effort to see her and spend time with her.

Even though her mind goes in and out right now, I'm glad that I got to tell her that I love her. It was when she had remembered who I was and her face lit up and she told me she loves me too. I have so many wonderful memories from when I was younger and I am so thankful that she has been in my life for such a long time. I just hope that she doesn't have to suffer much longer. I will miss her so much, but she will be going to a much better place and hopefully I will get to see her again someday.