I am on a break from school until Wednesday. My last day of 1st trimester was last Wednesday. This break is much needed and I haven't done much of anything. Being able to sleep in is amazing! :)
Last night I was on the Tennessee website looking at information on opening adoption records. I researched this several years ago and was told that I would have to pay a lot of money to even begin to open the records. Last night, I was reading a document about all of the rules and everything, and realized that I can open my records for free apparently. It gives me a lot to think about. I have always wondered about my biological family. There has always been this feeling in me that something is missing and it's that I don't know where I came from. All that I know is that my brother and I were adopted from the same family and that my mother couldn't take care of us so she gave us both up for adoption after I was born. My biological dad left her to deal with it all.
I would love it if I found out that they are all happy and living wonderful lives, but I know that might not be the case. They might not even be alive anymore. I tell myself that I can handle whatever I find out, but I won't know until it actually is in front of me and I know everything for sure. I haven't made a decision about starting the process of opening the records, but my heart is telling me to do it. I have the opportunity to send my information in and have them search for the records. If they find them, and my biological mother didn't put anything on there about me not being allowed to see them, I can have them. From there, I have the choice of searching for my family or not.
There might not even be any information to see. That is what I have been told before by my parents because they don't think I would find out anything. But, I also don't think they know for sure. It would be okay if I couldn't find out anything because then, at least I would know that I tried my best to find out. It would be disappointing, but I haven't known anything about my biological family for 25 years, so not knowing anything for the rest of my life wouldn't be that big of a deal.
If my biological mom is alive and I am able to find her, I would love to meet her. I wouldn't be able to call her mom, because I have a mom. But, there is a part inside me that longs to get to know the person that was courageous enough to give my brother and I up so that we could have a chance at life. She could have aborted us, but she didn't. If my dad is still alive I would like to meet him too. It kind of scares me about meeting him, because what kind of person would leave the way he did, but I still want to know about him.
I just hope that I am able to open the records and just get at least a little glimpse into the family that I was supposed to be with originally. There are traits that I have that I didn't get from my parents(adoptive). Of course, I don't look like them, and I have always been curious as to whether I look like my real mom or dad or both. I don't know how many siblings I have and I want to know all that too.
This is going to be quite an experience, and I just hope that everything works out for the best!!! :)
Last night I was on the Tennessee website looking at information on opening adoption records. I researched this several years ago and was told that I would have to pay a lot of money to even begin to open the records. Last night, I was reading a document about all of the rules and everything, and realized that I can open my records for free apparently. It gives me a lot to think about. I have always wondered about my biological family. There has always been this feeling in me that something is missing and it's that I don't know where I came from. All that I know is that my brother and I were adopted from the same family and that my mother couldn't take care of us so she gave us both up for adoption after I was born. My biological dad left her to deal with it all.
I would love it if I found out that they are all happy and living wonderful lives, but I know that might not be the case. They might not even be alive anymore. I tell myself that I can handle whatever I find out, but I won't know until it actually is in front of me and I know everything for sure. I haven't made a decision about starting the process of opening the records, but my heart is telling me to do it. I have the opportunity to send my information in and have them search for the records. If they find them, and my biological mother didn't put anything on there about me not being allowed to see them, I can have them. From there, I have the choice of searching for my family or not.
There might not even be any information to see. That is what I have been told before by my parents because they don't think I would find out anything. But, I also don't think they know for sure. It would be okay if I couldn't find out anything because then, at least I would know that I tried my best to find out. It would be disappointing, but I haven't known anything about my biological family for 25 years, so not knowing anything for the rest of my life wouldn't be that big of a deal.
If my biological mom is alive and I am able to find her, I would love to meet her. I wouldn't be able to call her mom, because I have a mom. But, there is a part inside me that longs to get to know the person that was courageous enough to give my brother and I up so that we could have a chance at life. She could have aborted us, but she didn't. If my dad is still alive I would like to meet him too. It kind of scares me about meeting him, because what kind of person would leave the way he did, but I still want to know about him.
I just hope that I am able to open the records and just get at least a little glimpse into the family that I was supposed to be with originally. There are traits that I have that I didn't get from my parents(adoptive). Of course, I don't look like them, and I have always been curious as to whether I look like my real mom or dad or both. I don't know how many siblings I have and I want to know all that too.
This is going to be quite an experience, and I just hope that everything works out for the best!!! :)
I say you should go for it. If nothing else, you need to know biological things that could be passed down from family. Like, have you even been given a medical history for when you go to the doctor? I assume such information would be released at the time of adoption for your parents to know your histories and such, but dunno. If I were you, I would definitely want to know. Who knows? It could provide some closure for you and if your parents are still living, you could strike up a relationship with them. I'm sure it was very difficult for your biological mom to let you and Abe go. It would be interesting to learn her side of the story, though I could see her being ashamed/frightened to meet you. If you maintain a position that you're not angry at her for doing the best she could, it might be the start of a beautiful and unlikely relationship. :)
ReplyDeleteMy cousins were both adopted, and I think they are going to look into where they came from. Your parents might have told you that you wouldn't find a lot of information because they're frightened. I can see where a lot of adoptive parents might feel they lose their credibility once you find your "real" parents, you know? I don't know. I think it would be fascinating and awesome for you!
Glad to hear you got a much needed break! I've been vomiting for three weeks. I want a break from THAT! :)
By the way, how old were you and Abe when you were adopted? Was it just the same adoption agency and you were both adopted at birth at two different times or were you adopted together in the same process? I'm sure you've told me this before...
ReplyDeleteHey Jami! Thanks for the comment! I haven't ever known much about the medical history other than that my grandfather had emphysema. My parents told me that. I was adopted when I was 5 months and Abe was 15 months. We were adopted at the same time from the same agency(AGAPE).
ReplyDeleteI have already started looking into it and have everything ready to be mailed out! It's exciting and I just hope there is some information that I can look at. I definitely don't hold any kind of grudge against my biological mom. She was only doing what she thought was best for Abe and I and I would love to talk to her and let her know that I appreciate her having the courage to do that, because I don't think I could ever give up a baby for adoption!!!
I hope that you start feeling better and the vomiting stops!!! I know that has to be terrible!!! I read your last few posts and it sounds like everything with the baby is going well other than the sickness!!!!!