Holidays

When the holidays roll around every year, I feel the same.  I always feel so torn between all of my family members.  Now that I'm married, it is even harder.  Add the fact that my brother is coming in for Christmas and imagine my stress level hitting the highest point that there is!  I know that I can't be in several different places at once but I hate to let anyone down.  

My Dad and I have built a better relationship over the past few months and he is going to be the one that gets let down if he invites me to spend time with him on Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Mike and I have already planned to spend Thanksgiving in Columbia with my mom's side of the family.  After that, my step-daughter is coming to our house to spend the night.  On Christmas, we will be spending time with Mike's parents and daughter.  My brother will be in town for a few days around Christmas, and since I haven't seen him since 2009, I want to spend as much time with him as I can.  It has been several years since I got to spend Christmas with him.  I'm sure that I will be working soon, and I have no idea how my schedule will be set up for Christmas.  It is just stressful.  I want to make everyone happy but I can't.  When you're married, you have to compromise when it comes to holidays.  Last night, Mike and I ended up having a fight over who we were going to spend the holidays with.  It was my fault mostly because I got upset about having to let people down for Christmas.  

Every year, I wish that the holidays would go by fast.  I honestly don't think that it will change until I have a child.  When that happens, the holidays will be about him or her.  I know that I have a step-daughter and that I should make the holidays about her since I don't have a child of my own, and I will, but it still isn't the same as having a precious baby/toddler/little one to spend the holidays with.  

Side note:  I was talking to my mom on the phone last night and out of nowhere she said, "Mattie, I really believe that you will have a baby someday".  At least she believes that, because I have a hard time believing that I will!  I literally long to hold my baby in my arms and to see him/her for the first time.  No one knows what it's like unless you are infertile.  Every so often, you get a sign that you might be pregnant, only to take a test and it come up negative.  After that, you cry, but you get over it.  It's just difficult.  If I could have just one baby, I would be happy.  I wouldn't get upset if I couldn't have another one.  Having one will be a miracle for me since I have been told that I may never have babies.  

I am going to try to make the holidays the best that they can be.  I'm going to try to not get upset about letting people down because the fact is that I can't be everywhere at once and I do have multiple families that want to see me on Thanksgiving/Christmas.  I'm only one person and I have a husband and step-daughter that I have to think of too!  

11/11/11

I just had to post a blog today.  I mean, hello, it's 11/11/11!  Today is also Veteran's Day!  I know several veterans personally and I am so thankful for them.  Without them, we would not be able to live the lives that we all have today.  


This week has consisted of waiting.  I'm waiting on my background check to come back for this job.  I got a call on Monday and was told that they have a case for me.  The person is an elderly woman that was living in a nursing home.  She is now well enough to be at her home.  She lives in Madison which is not far away from Goodlettsville at all.  I'm not sure about the hours.  I know that I will either be working Monday through Friday or just on the weekends.  It depends on if the other CNA has been working for them for a while.  If she has, she will get first dibs on what days she wants.  I'm hoping that they get my background check results back soon, but on Monday I was told that it could be a few weeks.  Once they get that back, I have to go to Murfreesboro and take a drug test and talk to the staff in payroll.  I'm just ready to work!  Sitting in this house is getting old!  


I'm a little nervous about this job.  It's always kind of nerve-racking when you go into the home of a person that you are supposed to take care of.  You don't know much about them to start off with.  You don't know what type of personality they have or if they will even like you.  You worry about whether or not you will be able to cook the foods that they love to eat.  I can cook, especially if there is a recipe to look at but I won't say that I am an amazing cook!  Of course, it could be one of those cases where she only eats certain basic things or the family may pre-make all of her meals.  I won't know until I go in there!  


One of the problems that I have had a lot, is that when I start working with a patient, they tend to think that I am very young.  I look younger than 26 but I think I am out of the period where people thought that I was 18 when I was 23.  When patients think someone is young, they tend to have a hard time trusting them, even though I am one of the most trustworthy caregivers out there!  Patients think that you can't lift them out of a bed, chair, etc. and will fight against you when you go to help them.  That makes it hard on me, but hopefully this person will learn to trust me pretty fast!  I've never dropped a single patient, and I have had hundreds if not thousands of patients since I became a CNT in 2007!  


This weekend Mike and I are going to be pretty busy.  We are going to his parents tomorrow because they are cooking steaks.  Yummy!  We'll spend some time with them and then Sunday we are going to the zoo with them!  Hopefully it won't be extremely cold!  I love spending time with my in-laws even though it makes me miss my own side of the family so much!  


I am so ready to move back to Hermitage.  I have missed that area so much.  Goodlettsville really isn't that bad but it is too far away from my family and there isn't anything familiar to me about this city.  It just doesn't feel like home here!  


I'm going to finish watching 20/20!  :)  Have a great weekend!  

It's Monday!

I'm blogging from my phone, thanks to this wonderful built-in keyboard!  I could never ever blog by using a touch screen.  It takes way too long! 

This past weekend was good!  My husband and I had my step-daughter for the weekend.  We hadn't had her over in a while because she is so busy with school, sports, and her social life!  I remember those days...minus the sports because I was all about music back then! 

I'm still learning about being a step-mom!  It's weird for me to wake up in the mornings when she is here and think, I should go check on her and see if she needs or wants anything!  I've never had kids and I am totally not "momly", if that is even a word.  Motherly is the right word that I was attempting to go for!  I have to remind myself constantly that I need to make sure she is okay and doesn't need anything!  I'm sure that sounds terrible but I'm just not used to it...especially when it comes to a 14 year old!   We had a great weekend together!

Today I'm getting up around 9:30 to run some errands.  I have two orders that I have to pick up at the mall and then my husband and I are going to pay the rest of the money to completely reserve the new Call Of Duty game.  It comes out on Tuesday at midnight....and yes we will be there at that time.  We both love those games and it is something fun that we do together!  Weird, I know...but that is us!  :)

I'm going to try to get some sleep!  I just got finished washing, drying, folding, and hanging a ton of clothes!  Whew!  Good night!

Happenings!

This week has been pretty good to me!  On Monday, I got a call from a home health care/private duty agency that is based in Murfreesboro.  I applied with them several months ago.  I completed a phone interview and was invited to come to orientation on Wednesday.  I asked them about starting pay after the phone interview and was extremely surprised, in a good way.  The pay is very good and is more than I have ever made. 

I went to orientation on Wednesday.  It lasted from 8am to 4pm.  The staff was very thorough and informative.  I had to take and pass several tests, which included an actual skills checkoff in a lab.  I have never been to an agency that does that or even has a lab.  The lab was set up with an electronic "dummy" that breathes and has a heart beat/blood pressure.  Since I was the youngest person at the orientation, I was chosen to do all of the check offs in front of everyone before they had to do theirs.  Of course, that made me nervous because I can't stand when a lot of people are watching me do something....especially if it pertains to something that I am being tested on!  I had to take a manual blood pressure, get the pulse rate, get the respiration rate, take care of the ventilator that was hooked up to the "dummy" at one point, give a bed bath, reposition the "dummy", transfer my orientation instructor from bed to wheelchair to toilet chair to wheelchair and back to bed again, demonstrate how to shave a male and female patient, change an occupied bed, weigh someone using the weight lift, clean the catheter with it still being in the "dummy", empty the catheter, clean around a feeding tube and a g tube, change a diaper, lift the "dummy" off the bed using the sling lift, perform pericare and demonstrate shampooing someone that is bedridden.  I forgot to mention that I did all of that without having any sleep whatsoever the night before and I passed with flying colors! That is great considering that I haven't worked in health care in a while!  There are literally specific ways that those things have to be done and if they weren't done by the book, points were counted off.  The only thing that I messed up on was during the pericare, and I just forgot to fold the washcloth after each swipe.  Oops.  

I passed the written tests with a cumulative grade of 97.  I didn't think that I did that well so I was surprised.  Right now, I am waiting for my background check to come back....and it will because I don't have a criminal history.  Once that comes back, I will have to go back to Murfreesboro to talk to the staff about payroll and to complete a drug test.  After that, I'll be assigned to a case in Madison or Joelton.  

For the first time, in a long time, I am excited about starting a job.  I have been away from health care for a while and have missed taking care of others.  I think that working with only one person at a time will prevent me from becoming burned out like I was when I worked in nursing homes.  I always felt that I couldn't devote enough time to every patient that I had because I always had so many to take care of.  This way, I only have one at a time and can really take my time and be there for them.  It won't be as stressful.  I may work with elderly patients or I might even have a newborn or child to take care of.  I could get a patient of any age.  I hope that I don't get a case where the patient is on a ventilator or comatose but if I do get that type of case, I'll do the best that I can.  It's mentally and emotionally stressful to take care of someone that is in that condition.  I know because I have taken care of several people who were like that.  Thankfully, I'm a pretty strong person and can handle patients in that condition.  

I really hope that this job works out for me.  I think that it will because I will mostly be on my own and won't have a supervisor there looking over my shoulder.  At the most, I might have a nurse come in to check on the patient for a little while or there may be other family members there at different times, but that isn't so bad.  

That is pretty much all that has happened this week.  I'm thankful that I have something going for me when it comes to having a job.  I have been depressed so much because of my job situation and finally everything is getting better!  :)  

Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour!  We get an extra hour of sleep tonight!  

My Wonderful Husband

My husband and I have been married for almost three months now!  It feels like we have been married for way longer than three months, but I guess that is normal when you live with someone for over two years before you get married!  Even though I heard a lot of criticism about us living together before we got married, I don't regret it.  It allowed us to really get to know each other and to see what married life would be like, before we actually got married.  I know what the Bible says about that, and believe me, I understand that in his eyes it is wrong.  At least I can say that I would have never lived with Mike if I didn't see a future with him.  


Mike is my rock.  He's always there for me when I need him.  He literally can read me like a book.  He knows what kind of mood I'm in, just by looking at me.  He can tell immediately when something is bothering me and always goes out of his way to figure out what is wrong and be there.  There are times when my moods are up and down because of my hormone issues and he is always so sweet and understanding about it, even though at times it frustrates him.  


We have so much laughter in our marriage.  Sure, we go through hard times and get into stupid little fights sometimes, but in the end we are always standing together.  We are so goofy sometimes and we literally crack ourselves up.  It's hilarious.  We are definitely "a pair".  


These past few weeks, we have been trapping opossums.  They have taken over our neighborhood and since those type of animals are full of diseases, we trap them and then relocate them.  Early yesterday morning, we caught a huge one.  It was the biggest opossum that we have ever seen.  It was 4:00am when we heard him in the trap.  I went out on the porch to see if the trap had closed on him, and it hadn't.  So I ran over and shut it before he could get out.  Since it was so early, we decided to just let him stay in the cage until we got up for the day.  We got back in bed, and started hearing noises.  The opossum was trying his best to get out of the trap!  Mike went outside and told me to get an old towel to put over the trap.  I gave him one and he covered it up.  (Sidenote: It was still dark outside at this point).  We got back into bed and Mike said, "Well, he'll sleep because his cage is dark now".  I about died!  I said, "Ummm, well sweetie, it was already dark outside before you put the towel over it".  He started laughing and I almost fell out on the floor from laughing so hard!  We were just a little bit sleepy and delirious.  But even now, it cracks me up.  


We then decided that it would be absolutely hilarious to put an ad on craigslist for a free opossum. So, there we are, at 4:30am posting an ad on craigslist for a free opossum.  Can you believe that we actually got several emails?  One person did tell us that we needed to take him to the animal shelter so that they would give him the care that he needed.  The other people that emailed were interested in having the animal as a pet.  Then we got one that apparently wanted the opossum so that him and his brother could eat it.  GROSS!    


Mike and I are just a goofy married couple.  We love to laugh and we come up with the craziest ideas sometimes.  It was both of our ideas to start trapping opossums.  On a regular basis our neighbor comes over and asks us what we are up to now!  She about died when we told her that we had trapped a skunk by accident!  Believe it or not, that skunk was so friendly.  We were able to get up close to it(don't even ask why we decided that would be a wonderful idea) and it didn't even try to spray us.  I guess we're just silly and full of weird ideas at times!  I wouldn't have it any other way!  ;)  We are still waiting to trap a squirrel and a raccoon.  We just think that would be great!  ;) 


I love my husband with all of my heart.  I've never in my life felt so close to someone and so connected on every level that there is.  He is my everything!  :)

PCOS Questions

I received an email from someone who has a few questions about PCOS.  She came across my blog through a search on Google and since I have been diagnosed and understand it, she thought that I would be able to answer her questions!  I am going to try my best to answer them in this post.  


1. When I was diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor explained it to me but I didn't really understand him.  Can you explain it in English for me?  


I completely understand what she means.  Doctors try their best to explain things so that we can understand them, but sometimes that isn't enough!  


PCOS is basically an imbalance of hormones.  Women have sex hormones that are called estrogen and progesterone.  We also have androgen hormones that are basically called "male hormones".  Males also have androgen hormones but have a whole lot more of those hormones than women do.  In the case of PCOS, we tend to have more of the androgen hormones than women without PCOS.  Because of the higher than normal male hormones in our body, it can cause unwanted facial hair, skin problems like acne, weight gain, and problems with ovulation.  The high levels of androgen hormones affect ovulation because they disrupt the normal development and release of eggs.  The ovaries of a woman with PCOS do not look the same as a woman that doesn't have it.  Our ovaries have small cysts all over them.  Usually they do not cause any problems, but in some women they do get larger and have to be removed.  


My doctor told me that PCOS is also related to insulin in some cases.  She said that some women with this syndrome have excess insulin in their bodies because their bodies get confused on how to use it.  The excess insulin causes the increase in the production of androgen hormones, which then causes the problems that I mentioned in the last paragraph.  


2. Could I have gotten PCOS because I am a little overweight?  


I have heard that PCOS can be caused by being overweight.  But, I have also talked to women that are skinny that have PCOS.  I really believe that it just depends on the person.  Your weight may have not caused the PCOS, but if you started noticing symptoms after gaining weight, it could be directly related.  In my case, my problems started after I got off of the birth control pill.  They have not proven that birth control pills cause PCOS, but in my case, I think that it could have been related somewhat!  


3.  I rarely have a menstrual cycle which is why I went to a doctor.  Is going without one bad?  


I struggle with that too.  I have gone an entire year without having a period before.  I was put on Provera after that and finally started bleeding(it was terrible).  Since then, it has been off and on.  I haven't had one in several months now.  Usually the lining in my uterus has to build up so much that it just has to come out and then I will start bleeding.  I've heard that this isn't good because it can put you at a higher risk for cancer and other problems.  A lot of the time, doctors will put women on birth control to cause bleeding every month.  I can't take birth control pills so I just have to deal with it and get Provera if I go too long without one.  


4. I'm scared that I will never have children.  Do I even have a chance?  


It just depends on what your doctor told you.  I was told that I might never have kids but that I could try fertility drugs and other options.  I've talked to several women that have PCOS that were able to get pregnant by losing weight and eating properly.  I have lost weight and eat properly and still can't get pregnant, so I know that mine is more complex.  I have also heard of women that take the drug, Metformin, that have gotten pregnant after 6 months of taking it.  I take Metformin and have for several years, and can't get pregnant.  As you can see, it just depends on the person and how their PCOS affects them.  Everyone is different.  


5. How do you deal with the side effects that come with PCOS? 


My side effects really aren't that bad.  I don't have excess hair growth or acne.  I do have a problem with losing weight and keeping it off which is a side effect of having PCOS.  I definitely have the depression that comes with it and that is probably the hardest part about my PCOS.  I deal with that on a daily basis.  My advice would be to talk to your doctor about any side effects that you have and work with him to figure out how to deal with whatever side effects you are having!  


6. I read somewhere that people who have PCOS will have other health problems.  What are the other health problems?  


Diabetes is the main one.  A lot of women with PCOS get diagnosed with pre-diabetes or diabetes. I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes in 2006 and was put on Metformin.  Having a heart attack is more common in women with PCOS than women without it.  High blood pressure also comes with PCOS a lot of the time.  Cholesterol issues is another problem that can happen.  Women with PCOS can have more bad cholesterol than good cholesterol.  Endometrial cancer is also a problem.  It happens when you don't have a period and the lining in your uterus continues to grow and grow and grow.  The endometrium gets really thick and when it grows too much, it causes the cancer.  I know, it sounds like a lot of crap comes with the PCOS but all of it can be prevented.  Just talk with your doctor about how to prevent all of those things!!!  


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Those are all of the questions that she had for me.  I hope that I helped her but of course, I am not a doctor and a few of the things that she asked me, I had to look up on a legit website!  

Excited!

I'm about to get ready to go to my after-wedding bridal shower in Lebanon at my mom's church, Highland Heights.  I grew up going to that church and haven't seen the people from there in a long, long time.  The shower starts at 1:00pm and I have to pick up my mother-in-law around noon.  My registry only has a few items left on it!  I know that I spoiled the surprise by looking at it but I'm too curious to not look!  I'm so excited to see everyone and be able to spend some time with them, catching up.  It looks like I'm going to be getting a lot of new things, which is also exciting!  I love unwrapping presents!  ;)  


I'm so thankful that Ms. Marilyn(my mom's best friend) put this shower together.  She didn't have to do it but she volunteered and insisted that the church have a bridal shower for me!  I can't wait to see  what it looks like down in the fellowship area.  I'm sure they decorated it beautifully!  I will be taking some pictures hopefully, and will post them later!