Holidays

When the holidays roll around every year, I feel the same.  I always feel so torn between all of my family members.  Now that I'm married, it is even harder.  Add the fact that my brother is coming in for Christmas and imagine my stress level hitting the highest point that there is!  I know that I can't be in several different places at once but I hate to let anyone down.  

My Dad and I have built a better relationship over the past few months and he is going to be the one that gets let down if he invites me to spend time with him on Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Mike and I have already planned to spend Thanksgiving in Columbia with my mom's side of the family.  After that, my step-daughter is coming to our house to spend the night.  On Christmas, we will be spending time with Mike's parents and daughter.  My brother will be in town for a few days around Christmas, and since I haven't seen him since 2009, I want to spend as much time with him as I can.  It has been several years since I got to spend Christmas with him.  I'm sure that I will be working soon, and I have no idea how my schedule will be set up for Christmas.  It is just stressful.  I want to make everyone happy but I can't.  When you're married, you have to compromise when it comes to holidays.  Last night, Mike and I ended up having a fight over who we were going to spend the holidays with.  It was my fault mostly because I got upset about having to let people down for Christmas.  

Every year, I wish that the holidays would go by fast.  I honestly don't think that it will change until I have a child.  When that happens, the holidays will be about him or her.  I know that I have a step-daughter and that I should make the holidays about her since I don't have a child of my own, and I will, but it still isn't the same as having a precious baby/toddler/little one to spend the holidays with.  

Side note:  I was talking to my mom on the phone last night and out of nowhere she said, "Mattie, I really believe that you will have a baby someday".  At least she believes that, because I have a hard time believing that I will!  I literally long to hold my baby in my arms and to see him/her for the first time.  No one knows what it's like unless you are infertile.  Every so often, you get a sign that you might be pregnant, only to take a test and it come up negative.  After that, you cry, but you get over it.  It's just difficult.  If I could have just one baby, I would be happy.  I wouldn't get upset if I couldn't have another one.  Having one will be a miracle for me since I have been told that I may never have babies.  

I am going to try to make the holidays the best that they can be.  I'm going to try to not get upset about letting people down because the fact is that I can't be everywhere at once and I do have multiple families that want to see me on Thanksgiving/Christmas.  I'm only one person and I have a husband and step-daughter that I have to think of too!