What A Weekend

I got off work about an hour ago and now I'm off until Thursday night.  I worked 12 hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday.  Monday was only a 6 hour shift and I got off at 1:35am this morning.  I'm completely exhausted.  

I wouldn't say that I hate this job, but I also wouldn't say that I love this job.  It's hard.  Certified Nurse Technicians basically do all of the dirty work so that nurses can get away with just passing meds.  As a tech at a nursing home, I'm constantly lifting, pushing, and pulling patients and some of them are not skinny.  A lot of them are very overweight which makes my job so much harder.  On top of the physical stress of the job, there is the mental stress.  When I'm at work, I take care of elderly people and a lot of them do not have their minds.  I see them as a shell of a person because the person that they used to be, isn't there anymore.  Day in and day out they sit or lay around not knowing where they are or who they are.  Some of them holler or scream because they are in pain or because they are scared.  Most of the time, I can't help but wonder who they used to be and what they were like when they had their minds.  It's really sad.  

Nursing homes are so understaffed.  These places worry so much over their budgets when they should really be thinking about the residents.  Without a lot of staff, the residents suffer.  I am only one person and I can't be in 20 rooms at the same time.  Where I work, there is one tech per hallway.  There should be 2 techs per hallway.  I don't get much help when it comes to lifting my patients.  I strain my back and legs each time I'm at work and I come home in pain.  I have to lift my patients into bed or onto the toilet or into their wheelchair and after doing that to 20 or more patients, I hurt pretty bad to the point of barely being able to walk.  

So, why do I do it?  I do it because I love helping elderly people.  I always have.  Plus, I make more money working as a tech, than I would working in retail, customer service, or the food industry.  I haven't reached the point where I know what I want to do in life as far as a career goes.  I thought that I wanted to be a nurse, but the more nurses that I come across, the more I realize that I don't want to be associated with that.  9 times out of 10 a nurse won't help a tech lift or turn a patient and they won't answer call lights or clean a patient.  Yes, that is my job, but sometimes I'm busy and can't make it to a patient's room for a while.  A lot of nurses act like they are too good to do the dirty work when it comes to patients.  It's ridiculous.  So, that is why I honestly don't want to be a nurse anymore.  I'm not saying that every nurse is like that, but most of them are unfortunately!  

I've met a lot of people at work and the majority of them have been nice.  They are also overworked and underpaid....and they don't get help either.  

I just hope I figure out soon what I want to do as far as a career goes, because as much as I love helping elderly people.....the whole lifting patients thing is going to end up hurting my back for good and I don't want that to happen!  

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

My mom doesn't read my blog, but today is her birthday!  She is 62 years old today.  Hopefully I will be able to go see her this weekend.  She told me not to come see her today because she will be working and will be too tired when she gets home.  

I love my mom.  She is the strongest woman that I know.  She has overcome so many difficult situations in her life.  She has always been there for me regardless of how hard it was for her to deal with.  Yes, there are things that I don't tell her because I don't want to upset her, but for the most part, she knows everything about my life.  I call her almost every day, just to see how she's doing and to let her in on what is happening in my life.  

I couldn't ask for a better mom.  She isn't my biological mom, but she might as well be.  She adopted my brother and I when we were babies.  She is the only mom that I have ever known...and the only one that I want to know!  She taught me right from wrong and brought me up in the church.  She pushed me when I was younger because she wanted so much for me to have a wonderful life.  I feel that I have let her down because I am not really settled and I haven't graduated with a bachelor's degree...but I know that she is proud of me regardless.  

She works so hard.  She is single so she has to provide for herself...with no help.  A lot of people don't understand that, but they wouldn't unless they were divorced and on their own.  She is at the age where most people retire, but she will have to work for a few more years before she retires.  She doesn't complain about it.  She just keeps on going regardless of anything that happens.
 

I am very blessed to have a mom like her and I hope and pray that I have her for many, many years to come.  I don't know what I would do without her! 

My Old Diaries

I was unpacking some boxes earlier and came across several of my old diaries and journals.  I even found the very first diary that I had as a little girl.  I read all of the ones that I found, and I am so glad that I have them.  They take me back to a time when I was so carefree and happy.  I didn't have many responsibilities and my parents were still together.  My very first diary has entries written about visits to my grandparents and about the pets that I had at that time.  I wrote entries about my very first crush and how much I liked him.  It is so funny to read.  I was so innocent at that age.  I had my life planned out from start to finish and claimed that I wouldn't be happy unless life happened the way that I wanted it to.  

The journals from when I was a teenager definitely brought some memories back.  I wrote entries about EVERYTHING.  I went to a music camp in Kentucky the summer before I started high school.  I wrote an entry every day while I was there.  It talked about the different things that I did and the guy that I liked while I was there.  I wrote about everything that he said to me and back then, I couldn't figure out if he liked me or not.  Just by reading those entries, anyone could tell that he liked me.  So funny!  The last few entries talked about how we went to the dance at camp together and how we slow danced and how much I would miss him and everyone else when it was time to go home.  When I became a teenager, I wanted to meet someone and fall in love.  Love has always been important to me.  

I wish that I could go back and relive some of those experiences because they were so much fun!  I definitely laugh at the things that I was so stressed out about back then.  They don't even begin to compare to the stress that I go through now!  :)  

I can't wait until I have a child of my own that can read my diaries and journals to see what I was like as a kid.  I have so many of them and my children will definitely be able to figure out who I was when I was younger...and maybe after I'm gone, they will be passed on for years and years and years.  That would be neat.  :)  


I guess I will try to get some sleep!  I have to get up at 6:00am!  Yuck!  


Good night!