I am on a break from school until Wednesday. My last day of 1st trimester was last Wednesday. This break is much needed and I haven't done much of anything. Being able to sleep in is amazing! :)
Last night I was on the Tennessee website looking at information on opening adoption records. I researched this several years ago and was told that I would have to pay a lot of money to even begin to open the records. Last night, I was reading a document about all of the rules and everything, and realized that I can open my records for free apparently. It gives me a lot to think about. I have always wondered about my biological family. There has always been this feeling in me that something is missing and it's that I don't know where I came from. All that I know is that my brother and I were adopted from the same family and that my mother couldn't take care of us so she gave us both up for adoption after I was born. My biological dad left her to deal with it all.
I would love it if I found out that they are all happy and living wonderful lives, but I know that might not be the case. They might not even be alive anymore. I tell myself that I can handle whatever I find out, but I won't know until it actually is in front of me and I know everything for sure. I haven't made a decision about starting the process of opening the records, but my heart is telling me to do it. I have the opportunity to send my information in and have them search for the records. If they find them, and my biological mother didn't put anything on there about me not being allowed to see them, I can have them. From there, I have the choice of searching for my family or not.
There might not even be any information to see. That is what I have been told before by my parents because they don't think I would find out anything. But, I also don't think they know for sure. It would be okay if I couldn't find out anything because then, at least I would know that I tried my best to find out. It would be disappointing, but I haven't known anything about my biological family for 25 years, so not knowing anything for the rest of my life wouldn't be that big of a deal.
If my biological mom is alive and I am able to find her, I would love to meet her. I wouldn't be able to call her mom, because I have a mom. But, there is a part inside me that longs to get to know the person that was courageous enough to give my brother and I up so that we could have a chance at life. She could have aborted us, but she didn't. If my dad is still alive I would like to meet him too. It kind of scares me about meeting him, because what kind of person would leave the way he did, but I still want to know about him.
I just hope that I am able to open the records and just get at least a little glimpse into the family that I was supposed to be with originally. There are traits that I have that I didn't get from my parents(adoptive). Of course, I don't look like them, and I have always been curious as to whether I look like my real mom or dad or both. I don't know how many siblings I have and I want to know all that too.
This is going to be quite an experience, and I just hope that everything works out for the best!!! :)
Last night I was on the Tennessee website looking at information on opening adoption records. I researched this several years ago and was told that I would have to pay a lot of money to even begin to open the records. Last night, I was reading a document about all of the rules and everything, and realized that I can open my records for free apparently. It gives me a lot to think about. I have always wondered about my biological family. There has always been this feeling in me that something is missing and it's that I don't know where I came from. All that I know is that my brother and I were adopted from the same family and that my mother couldn't take care of us so she gave us both up for adoption after I was born. My biological dad left her to deal with it all.
I would love it if I found out that they are all happy and living wonderful lives, but I know that might not be the case. They might not even be alive anymore. I tell myself that I can handle whatever I find out, but I won't know until it actually is in front of me and I know everything for sure. I haven't made a decision about starting the process of opening the records, but my heart is telling me to do it. I have the opportunity to send my information in and have them search for the records. If they find them, and my biological mother didn't put anything on there about me not being allowed to see them, I can have them. From there, I have the choice of searching for my family or not.
There might not even be any information to see. That is what I have been told before by my parents because they don't think I would find out anything. But, I also don't think they know for sure. It would be okay if I couldn't find out anything because then, at least I would know that I tried my best to find out. It would be disappointing, but I haven't known anything about my biological family for 25 years, so not knowing anything for the rest of my life wouldn't be that big of a deal.
If my biological mom is alive and I am able to find her, I would love to meet her. I wouldn't be able to call her mom, because I have a mom. But, there is a part inside me that longs to get to know the person that was courageous enough to give my brother and I up so that we could have a chance at life. She could have aborted us, but she didn't. If my dad is still alive I would like to meet him too. It kind of scares me about meeting him, because what kind of person would leave the way he did, but I still want to know about him.
I just hope that I am able to open the records and just get at least a little glimpse into the family that I was supposed to be with originally. There are traits that I have that I didn't get from my parents(adoptive). Of course, I don't look like them, and I have always been curious as to whether I look like my real mom or dad or both. I don't know how many siblings I have and I want to know all that too.
This is going to be quite an experience, and I just hope that everything works out for the best!!! :)
